I still remember the day in 1973 when I knelt by my bunk in my dorm room at Kelly AFB in San Antonio and asked Christ to forgive me for my sins. Though having attended a fundamentalist church as a child (and having “prayed the prayer” many times), I had pretty much rejected Christianity by the age of 12. To me, the Christian faith seemed at best, like a beautiful dream that faded in the harsh light of day, or at worst, as an emotional crutch for ignorant people who were unable to deal with the complexities of life. The problem was that despite their obvious sincerity and frequent fervency, I could not see how Christianity actually made a difference in individual Christian’s lives (other than psychologically). Gossip, back-biting, petty squabbles over who got to play the piano, etc., all convinced me that Christianity (especially church activities) was most likely a silly game that little people played to give some meaning, to an otherwise futile existence.

I had then spent my teenage years rebelling against Christian morality (which in those days, was also traditional, secular morality as well) as consistently as I could in small town Maine. I adopted Darwinism, grew my hair long, listened avidly to the revolutionary music of the sixties (spending long hours poring over lyrics trying to find esoteric references to various non-traditional moral values), read deeply of existentialism, eastern pantheism, and experimented with various mind-altering substances (and no, you CAN’T get high on banana peels or oregano!).

Now I cannot say that during these days I had NO belief in God, just that I had no idea who He was or what He required. There was SOME limit to my rebellion, because I pretty much accepted that some benign supernatural being existed, who COULD intervene when necessary, say when you were fighting vampires or something (thank you Peter Cushing!). But since I was fairly confident that vampires didn’t exist, God just did not seem all that relevant. The closest I got to the gospel was memorizing all the lyrics to “Jesus Christ-Superstar” figuring that Jesus as the first, real hippy was pretty cool until the “man” had shut him down!

By 1972, though, I knew something was wrong with the “new” reality. While the hey-days of the sixties were long gone, many former hippies had moved from Berkley and Height Asbury to rural Maine. They served as a kind of “Yoda” figure to many my age and filled us with dreams about how we could “change the world.” However, the ideals and romance of the “Youth Rebellion” were increasingly less appealing as these burned out dregs hit their late 20’s, remained unemployed, were usually stoned into senselessness and seemed more concerned about trying to hit on teenage girls than accomplishing anything in life. In short, it was all a sham; regardless of their ideals for “love and peace” it seemed that there was always something nasty and dirty hidden behind the façade. Like many of my generation, I wanted the world to have some meaning, some higher purpose than just being an eating, sleeping, consuming animal. But as far as I could tell, the “hippies” were just as self-deluded, and hypocritical, as the religious nuts I had abandoned with my childhood.

Because my family was lower, working class, and had been economically destroyed by divorce in 1969, there was no money to send me to college (”COLLEGE! Why, an eighth grade education was good enough for me! Your grandfather never even learned to write his own name until he was 70! What do you need to go to college for?”). But I did not have any saleable skills, and my only chance to escape the provincial drudgery of small town Maine required some sort of advanced education.

This left me with only one option; join the military, do the time, and use the GI Bill to get a degree. Now, this was slightly risky in the early 1970’s. There was still a shooting war going on in Southeast Asia (though it was winding down). The government made a bet with me that if I survived being used for target practice by pragmatic Marxists, they would pay for four years of college. However, since my Dad and one older brother had both served in the Air Force, I knew that the risks could be minimized (the United States Air Force is the finest paramilitary force in the world!). So, I cut my hair, shaved what I optimistically called my “beard” and headed to the recruiter’s office.

In many respects, I sold my soul to join the military. After all, for the past four years I had been actively, reading, talking and acting as if the United States government, and the culture it supported, were an immoral force (though to be honest, I never did see much of a problem with the war in Vietnam; Marxism and Fascism were just two sides of the same tyrannical coin-I had no problem with the idea of fighting them with force. I just didn’t like the idea of ME having to fight them!). Now, I was willing to self myself into four years of slavery, just to receive a college education. Do not think for a moment that I missed the irony of the situation. Here I had become disgusted both with Christians and the counter-culture movement for their hypocrisy, and now I was acting exactly the same way because it was convenient, and suited my own purposes.

Since I was searching for some sort of meaning in life, the military COULD have provided me with a higher sense of purpose; having been brought up on John Wayne movies, I guess I had dreams of being rigorously trained as a lean, mean, killing machine and would perhaps find some honor in the discipline of the military, even if “meaning” was merely an existential leap of individual choice.

But if I wanted honor and glory, I should have joined the Marines! Instead, I had chosen the easier path. The only difference between Air Force basic training, and Boy Scout summer camp, was that the Boy Scouts got adult supervision! After basic, the Air Force then gave me perhaps one of the dullest, least challenging jobs possible. Any warm body with an IQ over room temperature could have done my job (and trust me, many of them did!). Furthermore, the sub-culture in the Air Force of those days was definitely “unmilitary.” We were discouraged from wearing our uniforms on anything other than strictly duty occasions; even the career sergeants ridiculed anything that remotely smacked of taking military customs and courtesies seriously as being “Mickey Mouse.”

So, in 1973 I had rejected Christianity, the counter-culture, and found even the military to be silly game (once the war ended). I just gave up hope. What was the point? Earn your money, eat your food, get your sleep, and try to have as much fun as possible before you die. It is a sad thing indeed for an eighteen year old to be so cynical. Life was empty of meaning, with no values except those that subjectively chosen the individual. One did not have to be a rocket scientist to see the philosophical implications; if life has no meaning, and ultimately, even the universe will die, then all one can do is maximize one’s pleasure, and minimize one’s pain. And if the angst of living became too much, suicide was always an option.

After basic training and tech-school, I was stationed at a base in Northern Texas. Coming back from the Airman’s club late one night, I noticed this old staff sergeant (he must have been at least 40!) leaving his room on his way to mid-shift. He was near the end of his career in the Air Force, never been married, never been promoted, never amounted to much. If Godzilla stepped on him, nobody would ever miss him, or even know that he had ever been alive. In one dizzying flash, I could see my own life end up the same way. Is this really ALL there was to life? This was perhaps one of the most frightening moments of my life. I remember praying a most irreverent prayer; “God,” I said, “It’s not fair! Why is life so meaningless?”

Now with all the real pain, suffering, tribulation and death in the world, a nineteen year old screaming out for some sort purpose in life sounds pathetic in hindsight. But for reasons that must have been good to God, He heard that prayer and answered it. A few weeks later, I was suddenly transferred to another stateside base (something that rarely happens; usually, after training, one went from a stateside assignment, to an over-seas one; but almost NEVER from one stateside permanent party assignment to another).

And on the first day of my new assignment, this guy comes up, smiles broadly, and asked me if I wanted to go to lunch. At first, I was a little leery; why is this person so friendly and why was he inviting me to lunch? Was he gay or something? But I didn’t want to be ungracious, and I did not know anyone yet, so the easiest thing was just to go along. After all, it was just going to the chow hall! We got our food, and sat down at a table with several other people. I was introduced around, and people started talking about various non-threatening things. Then, one of the guys, with a thick, Southern accent (I wish I could reproduce it here) said, “You know mah life has changed so much since JAY-zus came into my heart.” I couldn’t help it; the accent and the tone of voice convinced me that this guy was doing a caricature of some redneck fundamentalist so I laughed uproariously. But suddenly I realized that no one else was laughing, but looking at me very soberly, indeed. Then, one of the other guys said, “Don’t you believe in the Lord Jesus?” I was kind of shocked and fumbled for an answer. I had not met anyone of my generation in the past ten years who professed ANY belief in Christianity, and now there was a whole table full of them!

My memory might be deceiving me here, but I recall responding with a blasphemous quip such as, “Well, I believe that Jesus was probably the illegitimate off-spring of some extra-terrestrial space traveler on shore leave” Now, I didn’t REALLY believe that; but this kind of cynical, sacrilegious comment, delivered in the right way (slightly raised eyebrow, and a condescending smile) to the right group, often gave the appearance being worldly wise, and yet trendy (remember, “Chariots of the Gods?”). In this group, there was just shocked silence.

And then, they began sharing the gospel. Now, remember, I had heard the gospel as a kid, I just did not believe it. And one of the primary reasons I did not believe it was that regardless of what people said THEY believed they acted no differently than anyone else. For all their professions of faith in Jesus, it never affected their core values. There was a dichotomy between their professed values, and their real ones. I had seen the same hypocrisy amongst my counter-cultural friends, and with my military associates. There was a thin veneer where people said, “This is important” but in reality, they had ALWAYS shown by their actions, that there was something else operating in the background. And usually, this was “something” self-serving.

So naturally, I discounted what was shared. I laughed, and had fun poking holes in their logic. I asked them hard questions, to which they usually had no answers. But that did not really bother me much, because I wasn’t really looking for answers; I just wanted to disrupt what I considered a smug, self-delusion. There is nothing a cynic loves so much, as disturbing the equilibrium of others. Furthermore, I figured that these guys would blow me off as I demonstrated the contradictions of their primitive superstitions and what did I have to lose?

But surprisingly enough, they did not blow me off. Instead, they invited me to the movies, and to go bowling with them. We had lunch together every day. I got to know them as individuals and saw that they really, REALLY did take all this “religious” stuff seriously, and were earnestly trying to live consistently with their faith.

One of the guys once asked for prayer because he was coming up for his top-secret clearance interview. During the interview, one was asked a series of perfunctory questions about one’s past. The FBI had already conducted the actual investigation, and this interview was just a formality before you received a clearance. But my new Christian friend was concerned because He would not lie about something in his past and was asking for God’s grace.

Now, maybe (hopefully!) things are different today, but back then, EVERYONE lied during their security interviews. It was expected, accepted and often, even the interviewers themselves would clue you in by exaggerating certain phrases and occasionally, giving you a distinct wink! (I remember when I was asked, “Have you ever used illegal drugs” the interviewer shook his head and mouthed “Noooo”). Hypocrisy was rampant; the military had one set of criteria, but drew its members from a population that could NEVER have fulfilled even the minimal requirements. So EVERYONE lied.

But this one guy refused to lie, because that would be breaking God’s law. He loved the military and wanted to be a career man but was willing to sacrifice his own personal goals for some higher purpose. I was shocked that he would NOT lie. After all, if they hadn’t discovered his dirty little secret before, he was probably safe. Everyone did lie anyway, so what was the problem? Interesting that I had become the very thing I hated and despised in so many others; a self-conscious hypocrite!

So these Christians prayed for their brother, claimed all sorts of wonderful promises on his behalf and he went confidently off to his interview. When asked the question, he answered truthfully, and was promptly dismissed from the Air Force! At first, I was outraged at God. In retrospect, it is amusing to note that even when I essentially denied the authority of God, I still could be upset when He did something of which I did not approve. But my Christian friend was neither angry nor upset. He introduced me to a concept that I did not understand at the time; God’s sovereignty and providence. Even though he had just lost his career, by obeying God and telling the truth (when in my mind, he didn’t have to), he accepted the consequences with grace because it was God’s will. His faith was not shaken, but rather confirmed because he KNEW that he had done the right thing. This was a kind of faith I had never seen before; someone who actually lived according to certain, unchanging standards, could accept adversity when those standards brought him into conflict with the world, and yet persevered. Clearly, this man’s faith was NOT a self-serving device, nor some psychological crutch to get him out of difficulties. To the contrary, his faith brought him trouble, but he continued to believe, and continued to serve his God regardless of the circumstances.

I do not think I am wrong in saying this was the first time in 19 years that I had met a Christian, who actually lived his faith, suffered for his faith, and yet despite tribulation, retained his faith without having some sort of weird, psychological hang-up. And both his experience, and the witness of the other men who met for lunch every day, were used by God to profoundly and deeply work within my own life. I wanted what they had; something greater, deeper, higher and holier to believe in. I wanted a life that had meaning, purpose, and that was worth both living, and dying for. Yes, I admit it, I WANTED to believe.

And so, one night, by my bunk, I kneeled and prayed a simple prayer. I knew that I was a sinner so confessing that sin before God was not really an issue. And to be honest, I had always known that God existed, even when I had lived as if He did not. No, my “problem” had always been that I had never before thought that anyone else knew God any better than I did. But now, for the first time, I was convinced that the God of the Bible was true, that Jesus Christ was His one and only Son, that He had died for my sins, and that if I submitted to Him, I could have a whole new life.

And over the next few years, that is exactly what I received. I was taught how to have a “quiet time,” to memorize Scripture, and to share my faith. I discovered that there existed a whole literature for Christians in the local “Bible Book Store.” And after some false starts getting hooked on “End Times” speculative fiction, I was finally introduced to Schaeffer and others who laid the foundation for a consistent, coherent Biblical worldview. In fact, I finally found all the answers to the “hard” questions my friends could not answer (and shame on them for not doing the intellectual homework necessary to defend the faith they so passionately and sincerely believed in!).

And though always involved in some sort of Christian group or Bible study, because of military duties and transfers I never joined a local church, nor saw the need to do so. It may seem naive now, but literally, at the time, I saw absolutely NO connection between the wonderful Christianity that was changing my life, and the average Christian church. Churches were full of the same kinds of “religious” people I had known, and rejected my whole life. Religion to them was like a hobby, and the church, a social club. Undoubtedly many of these people were sincere, but at least to my eyes, they were either the same kind of emotionally retarded people I had known as a child, or outright hypocrites.

In fact, the ONLY purpose I could see in established churches was as a “fishing pond” where one could meet people, share the gospel and disciple a few who were ready for the “real” deal! (And trust me, later on, college and seminary experiences never seriously challenged that assessment). And to be honest, almost thirty years later, as I look at the average church, how it operates, what it teaches and the kind of Christians it produces, I am still not convinced that I was “all that” mistaken!

Now is there more than just some sort of self-indulgence motivating me to spend so much time talking about my personal testimony? Over the years, Elaine and I have found that Christians who came to faith OUTSIDE of the church, as adults, seem to share a number of things in common, not the least of which is a love for Scripture, hunger for sound teaching, commitment to evangelism and the desire to disciple others. Christians who grew up in even “good” churches though, often seem to have one or more of the above missing. Though usually moralistic, they are not terribly committed to the Great Commission; they seldom, if ever share their faith. They love singing in the choir, serving on committees, attending “fellowship” activities but have no real interest in developing a consistent, coherent and comprehensive Biblical worldview. Often, despite what they may say about their belief in the Bible, they openly live in ignorance of much of it, and in rebellion to the rest! In fact, the kind of “Christian” that is produced by the average American evangelical church was SO impotent in regards to the Faith that we feared for the spiritual wellbeing of our own children! We did NOT want our kids, to grow up like all the other Christian kids we encountered who were lukewarm in their faith, infatuated with various forms of Humanism, and willing to sell out the Bible whenever it was convenient to do so.

We wondered if our own children would need to have a conversion experience as we had gone through. In fact, the UNSTATED assumption amongst many of our peers was that a Christian parent ought to expect that their children would go through some sort of rebellion BEFORE they were eventually converted. After all, we have all gone to “testimony” nights during Sunday evening services where Christians regale each other with graphic descriptions of their previous depravities. The more “dramatic” the conversion, it seems, the higher the prestige!

You see, the reason I spent so much of your time, and the printer’s ink sharing my personal testimony is that both Elaine and I were CONVERTED from one worldview, to another; a conversion we sincerely pray that our own children will never have to go through. When we came to faith in Christ, it required a radical re-thinking of every value, assumption and presupposition we had ever accepted. Since one’s values and morals are derived from one’s basic presuppositions about the nature of the world, we experienced genuine “conversion” in the sense of transformation. I dare say, though the particulars will differ, most Christians who came to faith as adults, will, in one sense or another identify with my testimony.

But the question is, “what about children who grow up in a Christian home?” Most Christians today (at least the ones in my experience) assume that their children must go through a similar conversion process BEFORE they can be considered “saved.” Hence, in most evangelical churches, a “revival” will break out in the youth group at about the age of 12-14; most of the kids will give some sort of profession of faith, get baptized and date their “conversion” from that point. These kids may not have the long history of sin and depravity that my testimony alludes to, but implicit in their thinking is that they too, MUST have a conversion experience. Sometimes, SOME kids even feel as if they have missed something significant if they did NOT lead a life of total depravity before making their profession of faith!

Now, every godly parent wants more than anything else, for his children to be “saved.” There is nothing more frightening than the thought that one’s children growing up, rejecting the faith, and being condemned to Hell. I have actually heard friends, colleagues and pastors actually say, “It is better never to HAVE children, then to risk bringing a child into the world only to see him go to Hell.” Given the premises that such people begin from, their conclusion is actually quite valid. But are those premises really accurate and according to the Scriptures? Why does the Bible call a large family a blessing of God (Psa 127:1ff), if there is the risk that the more children you have, the higher likelihood that some or all of them might not “accept” Jesus?

I am going to argue that most of what we understand about “conversion” is less than Biblical, fraught with contradictions, counter-productive to the gospel, and actually HINDERS raising godly children. In fact, I am going to go so far as to suggest, that perhaps one of the most dangerous things we can do for the health, wellbeing and future of our children is expect them to have a conversion! (Now, did THAT get your attention, or what?)

Now all of the above is fairly radical and therefore must have strong evidence to support it. So, with your permission, let us go back to some basic principles and see what we find.

First, let us make a distinction between “conversion” and “regeneration.” Regeneration is a theological term concerning a sovereign act of God’s grace, wherein He brings the spiritual dead, to spiritual life (Eph 2:1, 5). In evangelical circles, we often use the phrase “being born again” which is perfectly correct and Biblical; after all, this is just what Jesus told Nicodemus (Jn 3:3). All men are born spiritually dead (Eph 2:1). The Bible calls this the “natural man” (1 Cor 2:14). The natural man is spiritually blind, not seeing the things of God (2 Cor 4) and spiritually foolish, not understanding the things of God (1 Cor 2:14).

Regeneration (or being “born again”) is what God does when He breathes spiritual life into a person. It is a transformation of the “heart” (the “heart” is never the emotions in Scripture, but rather the essence of one’s being) that results in a transformed life. Jesus said that it was not what goes into a person that defiles them, but what comes out of the heart (Matt 15:18-19). It is from the heart that all wickedness stems and in regeneration; God changes the heart (Jer 31:33)! Hence, through the preaching of the gospel, God is pleased to regenerate a man’s heart, giving him the ability to believe in Christ and trust Him alone for salvation. Once this regeneration takes place, a man is in effect “born again” and starts to live a whole new life (Eph 4:17ff).

Now, in the old days, the word “conversion” was often used interchangeably with the word “regeneration” (this usage seemed popular with the Puritans for example) but as time has gone on, the meanings have become more distinct. The word “conversion” essentially means “change from one thing to another.” So, in one sense it certainly IS legitimate to use the word for talking about what happens inside a man when he comes to faith in Christ; but there are conversions, and there are CONVERSIONS! People can “convert” to many different things; i.e., capitalists can convert to socialism or even Marxism. A man can convert to Mormonism or Islam, or Buddhism, etc.

In other words, there are spiritual conversions that take place inside a man’s heart which only God can accomplish, and there are conversions that are purely the result of emotional, psychological and intellectual decisions a person makes for various reasons. One is spiritual, the other is natural. The “natural” process of conversion has been studied by scholars for years and operates according to certain, fairly well understood psychological principles. The Communists were especially adept at “converting” captured POW’s during the Korean War into renouncing America’s involvement. Advertisers use the same principles in EVERY television commercial in an attempt to “convert” you from one brand to another. Salesmen use the same techniques when they attempt to “convert” you to buy their products. And some evangelists use EXACTLY the same kind of psychological tricks to encourage people to make a “decision” for Jesus.

Now, do you see the problem? Since people “convert” all the time from one thing to another, and since regeneration occurs deep within the human heart, we cannot always know whether a certain person has been regenerated, or simply experienced a psychological or emotional “conversion.” Regeneration changes a man from the inside out, conversion changes a man from the outside, but does not necessarily touch the core of his being. Thus, we can use the word “conversion” I think aptly to discuss the changes that are made in a person’s life as a result of regeneration. Clearly, the most dramatic “conversions” occur when a person’s life and worldview are most contrary to the gospel. The further away a person was from Christianity, the greater the “conversion” of his life will be if his heart has been regenerated.

But what happens when a person has NEVER lived a reprobate lifestyle, accepted ungodly philosophies, adopted anti-Christian morality, etc.? When such a person is regenerated, his “conversion” may be so subtle as to be unnoticeable!

Now, let’s take this one step further. What happens to YOUR children who are growing up in a Christian home? From the time they can think, they have heard of Jesus, believed in Jesus, accepted Jesus’ morality and been taught Jesus’ values. In fact, for many such covenant children, they never remember a time when they did NOT believe in Jesus! But because we insist that a conversion experience is necessary, many Christian parents treat their children as if they are unsaved until they have that experience. Now, there is some legitimacy to this; all of us are born in sin and all of us need to have our hearts regenerated. But not all of our children will necessarily have a conversion experience. This is the clear teaching of Acts 2:28-39 where the promise of the gospel is given “to you and your children.” Since regeneration is a sovereign act of God wherein He brings spiritual life to a spiritually dead heart, He can and does regenerate when it suits His purposes to do so. After all, John the Baptizer was regenerated his mother’s womb! Now, I am not saying for a moment that we should, normally speaking, expect our children to be born already regenerated, but we can and should expect that God will work in their hearts from a very, early age.

It would appear that many Christian parents are SO concerned about getting their child “converted” that they are not concerned about discipleship. Since they assume that a child has to be old enough to make an intelligible profession of faith BEFORE they can be regenerated, many parents are wary of giving them false assurance by instructing them in the Christian life when they are young. Because they confuse conversion with regeneration, and they KNOW that being “born again” is something only God can do, they neglect the very steps God has given us in His Word that would actually give their children a solid, Christian life. They are looking for some dramatic conversion experience to point out that their child’s heart has been regenerated. They emphasize an emotional and psychological conversion experience of man, over the sovereign work of God’s Holy Spirit in regeneration. Hence they make one of two mistakes; (1) they do not teach the child Christian doctrine because they are pushing for an experience or (2) once a child MAKES such a profession, they do not think they have to do anything else. After all, “once saved, always saved!”

Hence, during the time when a child is MOST capable of learning, memorizing and internalizing truth, many parents do not teach their children because they PRESUME that the kids are “unconverted” and therefore such teaching is unnecessary at best, and inhibits the gospel at worst. Kids are sometimes seen as “alien invaders” in the home to be converted, but not really part of the covenant community until they can demonstrate a dramatic, conversion experience. In effect, we duplicate the errors of the Puritans who essentially excommunicated 90% of their children! A lot of time, energy and effort is then spent on entertaining kids in church, rather than teaching them, because “We don’t want to lose them” before they have had a conversion experience. I was actually told by a Christian college professor and pastor at my first job as a “youth minister” that I shouldn’t expect anything out of the kids in the youth group. No, my job was just to keep them in the church, anyway I could until they had all “prayed the prayer!”

Hence, many covenant children grow up in Christian homes with only the thinnest veneer of Christianity. They are never challenged, never taught, and never confronted with the demands of a consistent, Christian worldview or lifestyle. If such kids are sent to public schools, they dress, talk and act like their pagan peers. Occasionally, such a child then at 14 or 15 will respond to the skillful psychological manipulations of a traveling evangelist, come forward and make a “decision” for Christ. But if they do, often they will go right back to the values of their peers because the intensity of feeling generated by a conversion experience, says nothing about whether the heart was actually regenerated.

But what if God, remembering His promise in Acts 2:38-39, began working in your child’s heart at a very young age? What if as you took His commandments seriously about raising your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Eph 6:3ff), He used THAT VERY INSTRUCTION as the means of not only regenerating your child’s heart, but also transforming his life so that he would NEVER have to go through the rebellion and wickedness that some of us did?

Most Christians today unconsciously assume that the heart is regenerated by getting someone to “pray a prayer” inviting Jesus into their hearts. You believe that don’t you? Only a godless liberal heretic would challenge that assumption, right? But what if I asked you to defend the Biblical basis for “praying the prayer;” could you? Where does the Bible actually say that “inviting Jesus into your heart” saves someone?

The more Biblically literate may quote Revelation 3:20 which says, “Behold I stand at the door and knock; if any man hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him and he with Me.” But have you ever looked at the context of that verse? Jesus is NOT talking to godless pagans in Revelation 3:20 but to a weak, sick and compromised Church! Yes, that is right, Jesus is offering to fellowship WITH Christians, if they will simply let him in. He is NOT pleading with pagans to “invite” Him into their hearts. So it seems the best known verse for “inviting Jesus into your heart” has nothing to do with conversion or regeneration!

At the risk of sounding like a heretic, let me suggest that there simply is NO Biblical basis for “praying the prayer inviting Jesus into your heart” as the proper way to become a Christian or that praying the prayer marks off the Christian from the non-Christian. To the contrary, if we want to find one, succinct passage that gives us the Biblical model it would be Romans 10:9-10, “that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you shall be saved” and verse 13 “Whoever shall call upon the name of the Lord will be saved.” In the Romans passage, to be saved from one’s sins does not require a conversion experience, but rather a public confession that Jesus is Lord, and the inner conviction and trust that God raised Him from the dead. This actually follows quite nicely from our earlier distinction between conversions and regeneration. For IF a person’s heart has been transformed, SO THAT, He trusts that Christ died for his sins (verified by Christ’s resurrection showing that God’s righteous wrath was appeased) THEN he WILL make a public confession that Jesus is his Lord. Hence, the Bible emphasizes not so much an experience, as a public profession of faith and trust in Christ. Some people may well have a dramatic, “Damascus Road” conversion experience as the Apostle Paul did. Others may not. The simple fact is that the experience itself is simply irrelevant to whether or not a person’s heart has been regenerated.

Do you see how that relates to our children? If they grow up in a Christian home, if they are taught Christian doctrine and values, then they may never remember a time when they did NOT believe that Jesus was their Lord. Thus, many of them might well never have a “conversion” experience; i.e., one specific point in time when they came to a full realization that Jesus was Lord. In fact, we would actually expect that in the normal course of events, the conversion scenario would NOT fit most Christian children’s experience.

Now some have argued with me that, “Salvation is a little like being pregnant; either you are or you are not. And if you are, then there must have been a point when that new life was conceived. Therefore, you MUST remember when that time was.” My answer is that the above premises are true, but not the conclusion. Following the analogy, a woman is certainly either pregnant or not, and if she is, there certainly had to be one moment when the baby was conceived. But it might be months before a godly wife realizes that she is even pregnant. True, she can reason back from the birth of the child to find a reasonable time frame when she became pregnant, but it just isn’t true that because she IS pregnant, she necessarily remembers the exact day and time she and her husband conceived the baby! Now, if God brought our children to faith in Christ at a very young age, they just might not remember exactly when that was, nor be able to distinguish what life was like BEFORE their hearts were changed.

But if we INSIST that they must undergo a conversion experience to be “really saved” then we may well make our children think they are not yet really saved, just because they cannot remember a conversion. Hence, at best, it leaves them unsure and it might well lead to them rebelling because they assume they have to rebel, BECAUSE we taught them that they MUST have a conversion experience. However, what if parents ASSUMED that God would remember His covenant promises, and EXPECT that God would regenerate that child’s heart, even at a very young age, and THEREFORE treat their children as Christians until evidence points otherwise? Such children would be expected to have the same transformed mind as an adult “convert” and should demonstrate exactly the same behaviors and attitudes we would expect from EVERY Christian. For example, if one’s heart has been regenerated, then one should expect to see a sense of conviction of sin (1 Jn 1:8-9), a love for and submission to Scripture (1 Jn 2:3) a love for the brethren (1 Jn 2:9), love for true knowledge of God (1 Jn 2:21), hatred of sin (1 Jn 3:3-10), etc. Remember, none of us can see the heart, therefore none of us KNOWS who is really saved. But if someone professes faith in Christ, while we accept that profession, we also rightly expect them to LIVE in a certain way. If that person does not live according to that new nature, then we rightly call his profession into question; i.e., someone who says he is saved, but lives a life of drunkenness, fornication, dissolution, etc., ought not to have any assurance that his “conversion” was anything other than a superficial, psychological phenomenon unrelated to regeneration (e.g., Titus 1:16, Eph 4:17-21, 1 Tim 1:9-12, 2 Tim 2:19-21, etc.).

But a child growing up in a Christian home has a different orientation. The parents control his environment and should be teaching him basic Christian life-skills. Therefore, covenant children are taught how to inhibit their sinful inclinations, how to resist temptation, walk in righteousness, etc. Granted, it may well occur that later on in life such a child might abandon the faith and declare his apostasy. Research shows that broad evangelicals lose somewhere near 70% of their children to apostasy by the age of 25. But some Christian denominations do a much better job of keeping their children in the faith. Reformed churches (evangelical Presbyterian, Reformed Baptists, etc.) have an almost 75% retention rate with their children; i.e., the vast majority of their kids stay in the faith. What makes the difference?

Well, since I am hoping that many broad evangelicals are reading this book, I will not offend you by insisting that covenant baptism (i.e., infant baptism) is the answer. I used to be a Baptist and I know what a theological hurdle this is for the average Christian. But Reformed Christians really do take God at His Word in Acts 2:38-39 and believe that generally speaking, God is going to regenerate their children’s hearts. Furthermore, they are not so concerned with when that regeneration occurs, but insist that they have a duty to treat their children as saved, until proven otherwise. Therefore, they teach and CATECHIZE their children from a young age. Family worship is highly recommended and commonly practiced. The combination of these events means that generally speaking, covenant children growing up in Reformed churches have instilled within them from an early age basic Biblical doctrines and values. As a result, by the age of 25, most of them stay within the faith. Furthermore, informal surveys (i.e., my personal experience!) of adults who JOIN reformed churches suggests that one of the most productive groups to evangelize are the kids who grew up in broad evangelical churches but left the faith!

Reformed parents do not normally expect their children ever to have a conversion experience. They simply trust that in God’s own time, He will regenerate their children’s hearts because He has promised to do so. They therefore treat their children, as if they were already “saved” instilling Christian values and beliefs in them and as a result, those children seldom, if ever, have what is known as a “conversion.”

I understand this approach sounds radical, and not for a moment am I underemphasizing the importance of regeneration. But think with me, the narrative portions of the New Testament were written largely about FIRST generation Christians, men and women who had come out of pagan, idolatrous backgrounds, or apostate Judaism. By the time that the Apostle Paul was writing, it is fair to say that most of these people now had children and even grandchildren. Now where exactly does one find any instruction, teaching, exhortation, etc., on how these parents are to evangelize their children? What we do find are many references to training our children, bringing them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (cf. Eph 6:3ff, 1 Tim 5:3ff, Titus 1:5ff, etc.), but NO specific procedures, principles or commands on child evangelism. Why is that? Could it not be that there was no need for this instruction, because God thinks teaching your children from a young age to love and worship Him as the One True God IS the proper method of evangelism? Perhaps the early church expected that God would keep His covenant promises and would regenerate the hearts of the children, when it seemed good to HIM? After all, regeneration is His job, training our children is ours!

Granted, most Reformed churches have a time, usually around 12 or 13, when that child is admitted to the Lord’s Table. Following Biblical precedent that this was the age when a child became an adult, Reformed churches insist that these kids now need to be able to give a credible, public profession of faith. But they do not think that this constitutes a “conversion” but rather an affirmation of everything they have been taught in the home, and in church about what it means to confess Jesus as Lord.

Remember the gospels when concerned parents brought their little children to Jesus and the Disciples tried to shoo them away (Mark 10:13)? The context is clear that these were infants and toddlers, not teenagers (a boy became a man at 13 in Hebrew culture). Yet Jesus specifically says that these children are NOT to be kept from Him. In fact, He uses them to teach the adults what they must become in order to be saved (Matt 18:3). Surely, we are in danger of making the same mistake as the Disciples did if we do not bring our children to Christ even as babes!

This chapter has been longer than most because it deals with the most important aspect of raising godly children; God regenerating their hearts. For too long, too many sincere Christian parents have either misunderstood, or misapplied a legitimate concern for their kids’ salvation into pushing them into having an “experience” that is neither normative, nor required. And as a result, they neglect the very tools God has given them that would facilitate their children’s spiritual life. So grab your kids, love them, discipline them, and train them in full assurance that God has promised to work in their hearts. And by doing so, you just might save them from all the pain and frustration that comes from sin and cynicism. Do not look for an experience, but for God to remember His covenant promises, and act, to save your child.