Over the last thirty years since being brought to faith in Christ, I have always been taught (and made a fundamental presupposition of my own teaching) that true, Biblical Christianity is at its heart, relational in orientation. The summary of the Moral Law that Jesus Himself affirmed is to love God and love our neighbor. Jesus said that the very definition of eternal life is to know the only true God (Jn 17:3), and that loving one another was the defining mark of being His disciple (Jn 13:24, 14:15, 21, 15:7, etc.). In countless essays, sermons, lectures, seminars, and even books (see Restoring Christian Relationships) I have returned to this theme because I assume that loving God, and loving one another, is what it means to be a Christian. This is what I have always believed and always taught.

So why is it that over the past 10 years especially, I have several times received criticism from certain who insist they do not “see Jesus” in my preaching? “Please give us Jesus, pastor” is how one lady put it or as another once remarked, “Jesus ought to be the focus of your preaching.”

Now, clearly, wanting the Lord Jesus Christ exalted in preaching is a perfectly reasonable request; to the contrary, if He is NOT the focus, then something is seriously wrong. Furthermore, though as a pastor, I am a sinner who falls short of the glory of God and therefore subject to legitimate criticism. Is there something deficient in my preaching about Christ? Am I missing something that is so central to what some people think is true, Biblical religion?

Now, if this essay was just about people complaining about my preaching, it really wouldn’t be worth my time to write, or your time to read. You’ve got far more important things to do that indulge me as I try to justify my ministry. But as I try to think through such criticisms, I suspect that the problem is not really about my preaching at all; perhaps it concerns many Christians’ presuppositions about the ultimate nature of their relationship with God. Therefore, it may well be worth some time and bandwidth to explore this issue; for is there ANYTHING ultimately more important than discussing the nature of our relationship with God in Christ?

Now, I cannot prove this by referencing a good, statistical study conducted on the presuppositions most commonly held by Christians, but life experience over the past twenty years of being a pastor leads me to suspect that the average, evangelical Christian has adopted a certain understanding of what his relationship with God is all about; an assumption that colors every aspect of his life. He expects therefore that the worship service, hymns, and preaching are supposed to reinforce that expectation and becomes disillusioned, frustrated and often very angry when it does not.

What is that “expectation?” My gut level assessment is that many evangelicals expect the Lord Jesus is supposed to be their best “bud.” We have all heard hundreds of sermons about God’s unconditional love for us, acceptance of us, and His daily care and compassion for us. We have all been encouraged by being told that He will never leave us or forsake us. We all have sung those saccharine sentimental hymns about meeting Jesus in the garden where “He tells me I am his own.” We have been taught that Jesus is our best friend who only has our best interests in mind and that when other people fail us, forsake us, or whatever, Jesus will always be there, on our side.

And in one sense of course, all of the above is true! Jesus IS compassionate, loving, kind and gracious and from one perspective He IS the best friend we will ever have because He will always speak the truth to us, and unlike human “friends” He can only do what is right. And yes, we DO have an intimate, personal relationship with the Living God through Christ.

But the problem here is that if not careful, we can very easily turn the above assumption into something implicitly self-centered; Jesus exists to meet OUR needs- and that is utter heresy. All there is- was created by God through Christ to display His glory (Col 2:15-20). We exist for Him, not He for us. The “Jesus Is My Best Bud” theology turns this proper order around to make us the center of the universe, and Jesus exists as a sort of psychological or emotional assistant to help us live peaceful, fulfilling and rewarding lives.

Hence, what many Christians expect from preaching are nice, fluffy sermons reinforcing this basic belief that God primarily exists to meet our needs, help us over life’s hurdles, comfort us when we are depressed, heal us when we are sick, and encourage us when life is hard. Meanwhile, this “best bud” theology assumes that Jesus will seldom if ever actually DEMAND that we ever have to change anything in our lives because well, friends are always on “our side.”

So when his marriage falls apart, his children abandon the faith, when his relationships are destroyed by his gossip, slander, back-biting and bitterness, HE is never the problem and HE therefore never has to change. No, Jesus you see, as his “best bud” loves and accepts him just as he is and anyone who says anything different must be a mean-spirited, legalistic, uncaring, insensitive monster!

The defining mark for these kinds of Christians is that they believe, in the very essence of their beings, that the church exists to give them a certain kind of feeling; the feeling that they really are the center of the universe and all things revolve around them. If the pastor and elders and church programs are successful in creating this feeling for them, then people are happy (or reasonably so until something else comes along to disturb their equilibrium). But if anything about the church suggests that God actually expects THEM to humble themselves before Him, and bring their lives into conformity with His will; then it is a nasty, wicked “cult” full of mean, unloving people. And of course, the pastor could solve it all by “just giving us Jesus.”

And this is where I personally have gotten into trouble with such people over the years. Silly me, I thought Christ-centered preaching focused on teaching the commandments of our Lord and King, so that every thought is taken captive for His glory (2 Corinthians 10:4-5). I thought it was common knowledge that the original sin in the Garden was an act of rebellion wherein Man wanting to be as God, determining good and evil for himself, therefore placing his will above God’s. And I just assumed that every Christian understood that since that time, rebellious men construct religious, social, political and philosophical systems to enable them to meet God on THEIR terms, rather than His.

And therefore, over the past thirty years since coming to faith in Christ, I just took it for granted that every Christian accepted that the glorious gospel of grace means that despite the utter depravity of our own hearts, God freely and lovingly fulfills the righteous requirements of His holy nature through His Son Jesus. Through regeneration, He brings new life to spiritually dead hearts, giving His elect faith to trust in Christ and therefore be saved; Christ restoring to us, what our father Adam lost for us.

And I thought that Christians understood that though saved from our own self-oriented sinful nature by being justified by God’s grace through faith, we are not yet perfected; God has chosen to make sanctification a process throughout life whereby we learn how to bend our wills to His. Thus, the essence of our relationship to Jesus is about learning how to submit every thought, every word and every action to the authority of King Jesus.

And I have always assumed that my job as a pastor is to teach, instruct, counsel, admonish and assist each of God’s people in learning what areas in their own lives need to be submitted to the authority of Christ as King (Ephesians 4:11ff, 2 Timothy 4:1-4).

Thus my focus in preaching has always been to understand the commandments of Christ, and then trying to communicate those precepts and principles as effectively and powerfully as I can. Call me naive or simplistic, but this is how I wanted to be preached to when I was just another person in the pew. I hungered to know what God wanted of me, and how, by His Spirit, I was to see my life changed to bring glory to His name. This was the way I saw the Apostle Paul himself preaching and teaching in his letters. He introduces the gospel, affirms his love for the brethren, and then spends the rest of his time explaining HOW this gospel ought to be lived out in various spheres of life. So, over the years, I self-consciously tried to model my preaching and teaching ministry on his. What I don’t find in Paul, John, James, Jude or even in the gospels is some sweet, gentle, non-confrontational “Jesus” who promises to become my “best bud” in some super-spiritual, intimate way that conveniently lets me live my life according to my own rules.

Granted, Jesus says to His disciples, “I call you friends” but what He meant by that was that He was going to reveal His will to them, and allow them to be the means by which His gospel would be conveyed. In the book of Acts, where is the “best bud” theology EVER demonstrated in the personal relationship the Apostles had with the resurrected Lord? Sure, there are lots of calls to wicked men to repent and acknowledge Jesus as Lord; but where did we ever get the idea that this meant some inner, subjective, intimacy with “gentle Jesus, meek and mild?”

Thus when people have complained to me, saying, “Please give meJesus,” I have been more than a little shocked. In so far as I can see, I AM giving them Christ; He who is Prophet, Priest and King. I try to reveal His will as Prophet, I try to encourage His people in His office of Priest each week through the Lord’s Supper and I, in so far as I am able, try to powerfully declare His commandments as King. Granted, there is a wonderful intimacy and yes, uniquely personal aspect to acknowledging Jesus Christ as Lord; but that usually comes during our “quiet times” of secret worship as we pour out our hearts in repentance and grief over our sins, trusting in Him to forgive us and intercede with us to God the Father, Almighty.

I suspect that over the years, the reason why some people do not “see Jesus” in my preaching is that they really do not want to submit to Him as King. In the depths of their being, they do not want to obey Him; they want a “bud” not a Lord. They may be fine, moral folks who love church and religion; but at heart such people are just like our father Adam, wanting to determine good and evil for themselves. They want the blessings of God, while maintaining their autonomy. Such people therefore want to be told that God loves them and accepts them, JUST AS THEY ARE!

Now some of course are a bit more intellectually oriented and enjoy academic sermons because it makes them feel intelligent or wise. Others are more emotionally oriented and love sermons full of warm, mushy anecdotes or phony religious experiences because they want to feel a certain way.

And BOTH have leveled the same charge; “Give me Jesus.” But they do not want Jesus, not really. They want someone who gives them a feeling of self-importance and emotional comfort. But they do not want to follow His commands because they want to do THEIR will, not God’s. I cannot say it any clearer than what the Lord Himself said, “If you love me, keep my commands.” If people react against the commands of our God and King, we have to ask if they really love Him?

This is not a new problem. In the Old Testament, the people of God were often seduced into worshipping idols. And as I try to demonstrate in my Old Testament Survey course, the underlying religious impulse here was usually syncretism; i.e., mixing the worship of the one true God with pagan religious rituals. Men wanted to worship God on their terms, not His. It was not so much that Israel openly rejected Jehovah as their God, but felt free to add to His Law (or deny it) in order to have a “fuller” or “richer” religious experience. God as revealed was not sufficient for them, so they added a bit of this religion and a bit of idolatry until they developed something that that was pleasing to THEIR standards.

Today of course, rarely do Christians bow down before actual idols anymore; but they DO frequently commit the same sort of sin by worshipping an image of Jesus that exists only in their own minds. They have created a mental idol of Jesus that often bears no resemblance to His self-revelation in Scripture. Their Jesus is non-threatening, non-confrontational; existing like a celestial Santa Claus who grants good little boys and girls what they want. Religion for them often serves as a sort of divine tranquilizer to deaden the pain in life and give them a warm, fuzzy glow.

And some churches, in a competitive market, will subtly adjust their worship and teaching in order to attract such people. In fact we are specifically warned about just this danger in 2 Timothy 4:3-4. After a while, the entire faith is subverted because pastors are afraid of making people feel “uncomfortable” by proclaiming the crown rights of King Jesus. If you disturb people’s comfort zone, they will leave your church and join another.

Now watch the subtly here of the sinful human heart; all Christians recognize that Jesus must be Lord. So as long as a preacher talks about the Lordship of Christ in general terms everyone is happy. Where he will get into trouble is when he starts getting specific by pointing out how Christ must be Lord in THIS area or THAT area of life. When a pastor dares to address MY sins, why he is rude, unloving, hard-hearted, pig-headed, uncorrectable, etc., all because we do not like to admit that we fall short of the glory of God! It’s as old as time itself; if you do not like the message, kill the messenger!

Now, it seems that two things happen if a person’s innate desire to be as God (determining good and evil according to their own standards) is confronted with the counter-claims of King Jesus. Godly people want to bring their wills into conformity with King Jesus; therefore they repent. They listen, they think, they change and they grow. On the other hand, many other people resist. They do not want to do anything different, believe anything different-they are “happy” right where they are and are offended when their lives are subjected to the light of God’s Word.

Of course, in reality, such people are NOT happy; often they are miserable though usually good at putting on a good show on Sunday morning. Such people often have terrible marriages, dysfunctional children, unholy personal habits, etc. But the average Christian sitting beside them never knows any of this because all they see is a smartly dressed, soft-spoken, “nice” person sitting beside them on Sunday morning. Usually only elders see these people when their lives fall apart.

Adding to this problem is a fundamental misconception that is prevalent within modern day Christianity about what it means to be sanctified. Many Christians think of Christian character in a certain way and assume that they can recognize that character when they see it. But over the years, my work in psychology and sociology, interpreted through a Biblical worldview strongly suggests that much of what we consider “Christian character” is simply “conformity” behavior. Some people like certain types of insect, adopt a protective camouflage that allows them to fit in with their selected social group. They dress a certain way, speak a certain way, live life a certain way because this is what their sub-culture defines for them as “good” and “acceptable.”

But simply possessing certainly culturally defined traits is NOT the same thing as mature, Christian character. Sanctification is a process of breaking our wills, of learning how to submit to King Jesus. Granted, gross immorality, hatred, theft, idolatry etc., are all obvious signs of an unregenerate heart, and the redeemed man will reject those things immediately. But Jesus taught in His Sermon on the Mount about the dangers of external conformity to certain cultural standards while retaining a twisted unrepentant heart. The Pharisees were the most “religious” and “holy” people of His day; yet their external adoption of certain culturally acceptable practices only served to hide hearts that were utterly wicked.

It seems to me that many Christians today have simply created a more sophisticated form of Phariseeism in the modern church. Jesus rebuked the Pharisees by teaching the Law of God in its fullness which revealed that they were in reality, God-haters. Pharisees ALWAYS hate the commandments of Christ because it exposes their own hypocrisy-at heart they want THEIR law, not God’s. They hated Him so much, they conspired to crucify Him. And modern day Pharisees do exactly the same thing.

True godliness is distinct from certain culturally acceptable forms. The essence of a godly man is humility; a man who understands the depth of his own sin and repents of it before God, and his brother (when appropriate). He is NOT a man who simply possesses certain culturally acceptable traits, beliefs or practices, but is in a constant search for the will of God in every area of life. When he sins, he is quick to repent. He hungers and thirsts, not to be justified by explaining, rationalizing or excusing his behavior, but by confessing his sins so as to be right with God; Thus he repents of sin both to God and his brother when it is revealed.

Yes, he may well be a “Berean” searching the Scriptures to make sure that what he is being taught is true; and like iron sharpening iron (Pvbs 27:17), he may engage in vigorous debate to discover the truth (cf. Acts 15:2) but his primary goal is ALWAYS to bring his life in submission to Christ. “Not My will, but Thy will” is how Jesus put it in the garden (Matt 26:42). But that is the problem; often many “Christians” do not WANT to do God’s will, but their own. And they want pastors to tell them that God is OK with that.

I know no way to determine the difference between a really godly man, and the counterfeit Pharisee other than to diligently teach the precepts of our Lord and let the chips fall where they may. The godly man will rejoice in that Christ’s commands are being proclaimed; if he loves Jesus, he will love and want to keep His commands. The ungodly person, even though they may be nice, middle-class, respectable religious people, will react against the commandments of Christ. And we must acknowledge that some hate Christ’s commandments because at heart, they hate Christ.

Thus, when they complain that I am not giving them “Jesus” what they REALLY mean is that I am not giving them the idolatrous figment of their imagination; but a Jesus who demands they bow their stiff necks to Him. And that is just unacceptable to many “Christians.”

This assessment is nothing new or radical with me; Jesus Himself warned about wheat and tares, and wolves entering the fold. Paul warned about angels of light deceiving the elect. So the problem is as old as the church itself; and neither is the solution. Ultimately, I will be held accountable on the Day of Judgment not for how large or successful my church was, but whether I preached the truth in love and grace (1 Cor 3:10-17). The people who sit under my preaching will be held accountable for whether they received the truth and took the appropriate actions. And sadly, many people will reject the truth, complaining that the church is not giving them “Jesus” when in reality, the only Jesus they really know exists only as a self-indulgent mythical creation of their own minds.

You know, it’s kind of cute when a little child creates an imaginary playmate and talks to them. Perhaps there is even some legitimate psychological need that a pretend friend can meet. And probably, there is no real harm to having such a playmate, as long as the child understands he is really just talking to himself. But what does one do with an adult who creates a mental idol of Jesus, and then worships and serves that imaginary friend? Psychologists have a term for such people; they are called “schizophrenics” and are usually treated with powerful psychoactive drugs!

Jesus is NOT your best bud; but your Lord and King. Yes, He does delight in your prayers and wants you to meditate on His Word. Yes, He is compassionate and gracious, kind and forgiving, but ultimately and finally, our relationship to Him is that of subject to King, not equal to equal. We exist for His will and for His glory.

Now, He is a merciful and wonderful Master; He graciously allows us to lawfully enjoy many things such as marriage and family, rewarding work, good friends and yes, even things that have no other function other than to bring joy. He is involved, providentially in every aspect of our lives, leading, guiding, sustaining and defending us. But He is always the center, the reason, the purpose and all things must be done “as unto the Lord.”

But that is the very thing that so many Christians really do not want in their heart of hearts. They want to be the center of attention, and implicitly assume that the church ought to revolve around them. And as mentioned previously, there are more than a few churches out there willing to cater to this desire. Sometimes, even otherwise orthodox churches can subtly shift their emphasis to making man the center without the theologically astute noticing the sleight of hand.

For example, one of the best postmillennial sermons I ever heard preached was by a pastor in a “Reformed” denomination that has largely forgotten the Reformed faith. It was a great sermon, excellently delivered that called us all to the glory of the Kingdom of God. But for all its rhetorical brilliance and superficial theological orthodoxy, there were several serious problems. Without the congregation noticing it, he subtly redefined what he meant by the “kingdom of God” to mean “adding warm bodies to the church.” He didn’t really care whether people ever understood, adopted or applied the Reformed faith but just wanted to pack as many people into the sanctuary each week as he could. In fact, he rejected Reformed theology because it interfered with church growth; Calvinism makes people uncomfortable!

Yet, I sitting in the pew could be greatly “blessed” by this message BECAUSE it was so general that I could make one application, while the person sitting next to me, who believed something completely different, could make the exact opposite application! After listening to a number of talented “pulpiteers” over the years, I have discovered that this is one of the most common way that many “reformed” pastors are taught to preach; great theoretical sermons containing all the right, theological buzz words, but with no specific application. Each individual can then “apply” the message anyway he wants. See the connection? This kind of preaching allows each man to be his own little god, determining good and evil for himself. Even though the message in and of itself sounds thoroughly orthodox, the application is heterodox because NO ONE will ever be convicted of his sins, or have his will broken to Christ by this kind of preaching. It will make everyone feel good, but it will never convict anyone of anything they do not already believe, or help them change to become more like Christ.

So “good” Christians can sit under such preaching and smile and be warmly blessed because in their secret and family worship, they are regularly meeting with the living God and being encouraged to grow in godliness. Such preaching then just confirms what they are already getting in their personal time with God. However, not so “good” Christians can sit under that exact same kind of preaching and NEVER be moved out of their comfort zone. They can interpret the same words in such a way that makes God approve of their lifestyle and does not require them to make any changes. In many churches, the “secret” to “great” preaching is never to make a specific application so that sinful men will never have to bend their wills to Christ. People will LOVE you for preaching that way!

I call the above “theological orthodoxy with ethical heteropraxy.” Ok, admit I love inventing terms with uncommon words; orthodoxy basically means “right belief” and heteropraxy means “wrong behavior.” But here understanding the term actually becomes important because the modern evangelical is perfectly willing to give intellectual assent to certain theological propositions, just so long as he is able to willingly and flagrantly violate God’s ethical stipulations whenever he wants.

I first came across this phenomenon amongst single evangelical Christians who were consistently fornicating with each other WITHOUT repentance. Some tried to rationalize their behaviors; others just assumed that they could fornicate “as long as it is an expression of our love.” But they all still considered themselves “good” Christians, in a right relationship with God because Jesus of course, as their “best bud” was all about understanding and acceptance and being non-judgmental. The very idea that Jesus might be offended by their breaking His law was unthinkable; and surely marked me as a repressed, legalistic person who didn’t understand “grace.”

But the same phenomenon is current even amongst the “respectably” married people in the church who “religiously” attend worship services every week and consider themselves accepted by God because at one time in their lives they prayed a prayer inviting Jesus “into their hearts.” They live their lives on their own terms, determining good and evil for themselves, doing their will not God’s. And they want a church where Jesus is proclaimed as their friend, who loves them and accepts them, just as they are, and therefore they never have to change. Oh yes, they can sing with passion, pray with fervor, and LOVE to hear about Jesus, just as long as He is safely enthroned in Heaven and is not demanding anything of them.

But if we want to SEE Jesus, the real Jesus, not an idolatrous figment of the imagination, then we have to know and keep His commandments (John 14:21). Am I the only person who has read the Great Commission where Jesus tells the disciples to baptize the nations, “teaching them to observe all that I commanded you…?” Was everyone else out sick that day? What do Christians think Jesus meant when the very basis of our right relationship with Him requires submission to His will?

When we fail to keep His commandments (as we all do, every day) we have to be humble before Him-and humble before one another; admitting our sin (1 Jn 1:8) and confessing it (1 Jn 1:9). As we are forced to recognize the depravity of our own hearts, we will grow in appreciation of His great love and never-ending grace that DESPITE our sin, He has fully and completely paid the price and therefore we can be forgiven and restored. And as we are forgiven for OUR sins, we will become more gracious and forgiving of one another.

In short, our love for Him deepens, as we come to understand how unlovable we really are-and therefore seek to duplicate His love in the way we treat one another. As our own pride is broken, we will see that we are nothing, and that Jesus is everything. But THROUGH Him, we who deserve only death and judgment, become great, because we are the visible manifestations of God’s glorius love and divine justice. And then, as we grow in grace and learn how to subdue every aspect our lives to His commands, His character and Excellencies are displayed as our regenerate hearts learn how to submit our wills to His.

But of course, all of the above requires broken pride, humble hearts and the need to change our lives accordingly. This concept removes us from the center of the universe and therefore of course, MUST be rejected by the unregenerate heart.

But the reality folks, is that Jesus is not your “bud,” but your Lord. You exist for Him, not He for you. If any man would follow Him, he must deny himself, take up his cross and die daily to his own desires in submission to King Jesus. He, who seeks to keep his life, will lose it; but he who surrenders it to Christ will find it. A person can worship a figment of the imagination, or the One True God-but imaginary friends, no matter how friendly or non-judgmental, can never save us from Hell.

Just something to think about-